no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
