Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
