My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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