I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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