Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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