so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
