Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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