saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
