you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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