People in love make me want to vomit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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