I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
