Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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