i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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