I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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