That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
