I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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