Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
