Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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