All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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