living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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