Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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