im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I could make wine with my vomit
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kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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