i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
