Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
