Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
