4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
