how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
