I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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