By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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