My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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