Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
