there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
