I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
