In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
