This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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