After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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