My nipple is on Facebook.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
