apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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