hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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