i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
