is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
