Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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