So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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