Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
