If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize