trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
