Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
why is half of my head shaved?
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