Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
