I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize