my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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