i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
