i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
40s are totally the cure
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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