hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
