man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
