We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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