My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
