I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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