he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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