I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
