I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
