dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
