Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
