Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
