So drunk its hurt
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
