I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize