omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
