she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My pussy is not your playground.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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