i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
